Letters
by MahoganEffie
Summary: Set sometime before Author, Author. The crew each has the chance to write one letter to somebody back home, who do they choose to write, and why?


******Hi everyone, this is my first story for Star Trek: Voyager. Hope you like it. **

**EDIT 16-2-12: This _WILL _be updated at one point in the future, I haven't forgotten about it. **

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_Chapter 1: B'Elanna._

_Note: This is set after B'Elanna finds out she's pregnant, but before Author, Author. This one follows along the hypothesis that John Torres left when B'Elanna was twelve-years-old._

_..._

Dear Dad,

Or should that be something more formal? Father, maybe. I don't really know why I'm thinking about this letter, let alone even composing it. It's not like you'd have anything to do with me even if you knew I was still alive. No, maybe that's too harsh, maybe you do care.

Maybe.

We're nearing on 15 years now. What an anniversary! 15 years of not knowing my own father. A lot's changed since then. I grew up, I guess. I had to. Do you remember how things were when you left? Well, they worsened tenfold after you vanished. We, mother and I, tried to remove any trace of you from our lives, or what I like to remember as the tattered remains of them. We put photographs in boxes, burned said boxes in the dead of night. Well, most of them. I still keep, hidden away where nobody can see them, a trove of my favourite memories of you.

I hated you, for years after you left, and the courtesy was extended to my mother too, you remember, the one you left? Now I don't claim to believe that she was the easiest of women to live with, but surely you could've backed out of it when you first realised that you couldn't handle living alone with one Klingon, let alone two. I cried my heart out every night, for months after you left, although I'd always pretend to be asleep whenever Mother came to check on me, she was adamant that we didn't need you, and that we'd find our way on our own.

I'm not going to bore you with what happened with the rest of my childhood, except only to tell you that when I was 15, I lost all contact with Mother, only regaining her as a confidante a year ago, although I doubt that a fleeting encounter with her as we sailed aboard the Barge of the Dead counts as a heart-to-heart. I learned a lot about myself that day.

I'm married now. Just thought I'd tell you. To a human: Lt. Tom Paris, maybe you've heard of him, maybe not. We've been together for three years now, and I have to say that they've been, by far, the best three years of my life. I often wonder, when I'm next to him, if you and Mother once shared a bond similar to ours. You must've done, at some point; otherwise I wouldn't have ever existed. Oh yes, that's another thing I should probably tell you; I'm pregnant. 5 months gone, she'll be here soon.

I've often asked myself if I miss you. The answer, I can never quite determine, it's hard to miss something you can barely remember having. I never quite mourned the loss of you in my life; I guess I was more upset over what could have been.

Does this letter hurt to read? Because it hurts to write, and I don't expect an immediate reply, if any reply at all. I guess you've moved on with your life in more ways than one, maybe you have a new family now, another daughter, perhaps? It's weird to think that I was once the centre of your world.

Do you know what's the best part about you leaving? I learned, maybe for the first time, how to express any real emotion. From here on out, I'll never have to worry about not having a parent around, because I'll be the parent.

I wouldn't worry if I were you, about us, having a mixed race family has taught me that both humans and Klingons are far too judgmental and unforgiving. I've made my peace with that. You guys did teach me things, contrary to popular belief, such as never to tell people to leave if I don't really want them to. That's another thing I've battled with over the years, and since you left I always believed that it was my fault. I'll probably never fully come to terms with the fact that it _isn't _my fault. Would you have wanted me to blame myself for all these years? I don't even want to think about what your answer would be. I'm just glad I can trust in Tom. He'd never leave, not for all the piloting missions in the world, at least, not if he wants to have another child…

There's not really anything left to say, is there? At least I can say I've tried.

B'Elanna.


End file.
